How to Be a Prisoner’s Wife/Partner

How to Be a Prisoner’s Wife/Partner

Keeping a relationship together under normal circumstances is hard work. Keeping a relationship together when your partner is incarcerated is harder. Most prison relationships fail. Partners who decide to honor their commitments do so with the best of intentions and do so knowing it will be an arduous task. The complexity of this type of relationship is not to be taken lightly, but with planning, conformity, and an acceptance of your new reality. Incarceration does not have to be a death sentence for your union.

Realize there is a stigma associated with your partner’s prison sentence; a stigma that might attach itself to you, if you let it.  It is not your job to make others feel ‘ok’ with the choices you have made in your life. What others think of you, quite frankly, is not your business. Your business is to proudly live your life. Stepping into the role of a prisoner’s wife/partner will be an enormous adjustment. Do not make this adjustment more difficult by hanging your head in shame.

You will experience a sense of loss when your partner leaves the home; allow yourself the time needed to adjust to your new circumstance. Surrounding yourself with a strong support system e.g. friends, ministries, and support groups will go a long away to keep you sane. Do not be afraid to ask for help. There will be days when you feel like you can’t carry on, but a good support system will help love you pass the pain.

Incarceration is not an inexpensive endeavor and these expenses will affect your monthly budget. Bills such as postage costs, calls, visitation expenses, packages, books etc. will add up — quick. Figure out your normal monthly budget. Figure out prison expenses; distinguish your wants versus needs and plan, plan, plan. Being prepared will help minimize financial strains.

Staying connected as a family is essential and facilitates your partner’s reintegration in to the family unit. A man in prison is still a man. Keep him as the head of the family. Ask his opinion. Make decisions together, no matter how trivial. Send him pictures of your environment – a changed hairstyle, rearranged furniture, new dress etc. No event is too small. Allow him to participate in discipline of the kids; to participate in their development. Share progress reports and report cards. Schedule calls during homework time. Ongoing familial attachments will go a long way to diminish your partner’s sense of isolation.

One of the biggest challenges for a prisoner’s wife/partner is keeping love alive. Your relationship is under new management and will require you to think outside the system. Intimate and honest communication has to be the foundation of your relationship. Letters and calls are dates; prepare for them, savor them. Each word, each action is an offering of the heart. Being a prisoner’s wife/partner will teach you the art of courtship; reminiscent of the days of nostalgic romance where a simple glance or slight touch unlocks the fantasies of your mind. Love is mental. Create rituals only the two of you share. Love is a commitment. Commit to having a boundless love, in spite of the boundaries.

Every situation in your life — no matter how bleak — has a silver lining but you will need to mature in to this process to see it clearly. Focus on the reasons you stay. Above all else, when facing a high failure rate, strive to be a part of the minority and take pride in saying to the world – “Not us, not our relationship!” [rft]

 

What are your secrets to beating the failure rate?

  1. PattiPatti02-06-2012

    Love it!!! I take pictures of food/recipes I try..He sends me all these healthy recipes to try, and I make them, take pictures of every step to the finished meal and rate with a picture of me giving a thumbs “up” or “down”…It definately is something we enjoy.. AND I take pics of unhealthy meals as well…If I go somewhere like the beach, I will write him a message in the sand and take a pic…. Awwwwww Love this blog, tells me I’m on the right track on the picture thing! =)

    • LisaLisa02-28-2012

      Patti-
      Those are great ideas! What a good way to share your experiences!

    • Shawna MShawna M08-16-2013

      Patti, I have to tell you, your amazing girl. The fact that you include him in those things speaks volumes. keep on being awesome.

  2. LaDonnaLaDonna02-06-2012

    We will NOT be a part of the failure rate! We are strong and our love is true and we will prevail!!! I do keep him involved and send lots of pictures and letters and accept all calls and visit almost every week. This is merely a bump in the road and although most days I’m really down and depressed, it’s simply because I miss him so much it hurts. But I know the silver lining is that he is coming home one day (Sept 2013) and that because of this storm, I have learned to never take him for granted. I love that man more than life itself and together we will face this and come out stronger because of it.

  3. CandaceCandace02-06-2012

    Wow! It seems like the PWGP family is ALWAYS right on time. I needed this today. Thank you! In this midst of transition, and with many emotions floating high- I was quikcly rmineded that our love WILL NOT be a part of the failure rate! Our love WILL BE boundless, in spite of the boundaries. Thanks!

  4. KaylaKayla02-15-2012

    I’ve been a “prision wife” since July. I really needed to see this post today, Thank you so much for posting it! I WON’T be a part of the failure rate!

  5. maricelismaricelis04-09-2012

    hi my name is maricelis and im about to get married to my best friend that in prison its been 15 yrs sins we known each other and im bout to marrie him we love each other but it gets so hard haveing a man that in prison faceing the time he faceing sometime i do wonna give up but i cant becuz then ill feel like im walking away from him.its so hard so hard to love a man that you want to make love to and he cant meet ur needs ,well ima do what iv been doing keep my faith in god and awaiting for god to grant him freedom thanks for ue time

    • ashleyashley11-26-2012

      i need help can you help me get threw this

    • KatrinaKatrina04-22-2017

      im new to the group and ive met my love through a pen pal and ive grown to love him very much we text talk n phone calls are everything yet the visits are amazing .ive been a woman in a child’s body forever and now full grown i’m more accurate in what i want .desire and i’ve been specific with GOD and i mean everything i asked for in a MAN.i receive in my hubby.he’s GOD FEARING MAN. strong kind gentle very informative funny no nonsense and patient. encouraging and i’m very happy that he and i have based our relationship on the rock of CHRIST JESUS.It helps that FAITH IN GOD AND KNOWING THAT your partner is firm faithful helps ALOT. IT’S EVERYTHING to know there is a strong support system behind you and to know that your needed. and appreciation is seen and valued is everything photos lil stolen moments secrets u two share makes it easy. im here for my man and true enough because he may be where he is at?? doesnt make him less of a MAN. HE HAS BEEN MORE MAN TO ME THEN THE ONES IVE MET OUT HERE N THE FIRST MAN I WOULD FOLLOW EVER. HE HAS PROVEN THINGS TO ME THAT MAKES ME SAY YES. BABY IM HERE FOR YOU N WE WILL WEATHER THIS TOGETHER. HE IS NOT ALONE. N NEITHER AM I I LOVE HIM DEARLY. LADIES STAY STRONG DEVOTION IS EVERYTHING N WILL MEAN IT TO HIM N YOU. HE WILL KNOW HE ISNT ALONE AND YOU’LL SEE JUST WHAT TYPE OF WOMAN YOU ARE. A GREAT ONE . KEEP YA HEADS UP LADIES I’LL KEEP US LIFTED UP IN PRAYER.

  6. mad17maddiemad17maddie06-14-2012

    It’s the little things that mean sooo much.
    And after 15 years- with (hopefully) only 24 more to go-
    He and I share true inner peace and happiness.

    Every letter I write is closed with this-
    “I hold you in my mind,love you in my heart and see you in my dreams.. Always”

    • KatrinaKatrina04-22-2017

      THAT’S BEAUTIFUL MADDIE .24 MORE YEARS TO GO?? WELL BE STRONG N WE CAN ALWAYS BE A SUPPORT SYSTEM HERE N OFF THE AIR U CAN FRIEND ME AT FACE BOOK AS WELL. I LIKE THAT CLOSING .IT’S BEAUTIFUL N I AM SEEKING A PLACE WHERE I CAN OIN AS WELL WHERE MY HUSBAND N I CAN HAVE MORE PHYSICAL CONTACT HOLDING HANDS MORE KISSING RESPECTABLE KIND IF U KNOW A GROUP A ORGANIZATION I CAN JOIN PLEASE LET ME KNOW WE HAVE TO STICK TOGETHER N BE EACH OTHERS SUPPORT. CONGRATS MADDIE.

  7. ashleyashley11-26-2012

    When me and my other half got together we spent 4 months with out a min away and then he went to jail.for 3 months.. now after two year he is back in jail again and talking 3-4 years. i am so hurt sad upset crying cant figure out what to do .. It was very hard I love him so much but it was very very hard last time. I dont have any friends this time and no support i am so hurt and confused and lost. i feel like i just want to go drink myself to death. please please please someone help me..

    • ElizabethElizabeth02-24-2013

      Been there, done that. I drank real heavily. I blamed myself. Not that I could’ve done anything to change the outcome of his sentence, but we’ve already done double what your facing… My husband had spent 5yrs in jail when he was a juvenile. I knew from that time that it wasn’t fun and it wasn’t going to be easy. 4 yrs today seems like a life time, but I promise, that time will fly by. If 3 months was too hard, maybe you should get some help. It is VERY hard doing this time alone. I’ve done MOST of the last sentence (7yrs and counting) by myself. If you don’t have friends/family, then MAKE friends with other prison wifes. Not that ones that come and go but the ones that are regulars at the same prison. I became friends with another inmates wife and it helped pass the time being able to talk to each other about shit other people just didn’t understand. It also helps to involve your man. My husband and I talk about our daughters school and sports, we also talk about bills and making a grocery list. He watches the news and tells me what its going to be like. These things aren’t much, but they make HIM feel like he is still apart of our family. It helps us, and it may help you. :) Best of luck to you in your coming years.

      • Shawna MShawna M08-16-2013

        I read your comment and wanted to tell you, The little things, like him checkin the news and letting you know the weather and such, its a big deal, hes still trying to be present,your still involving him,I think you two are a great example of a relationship still working while hes incarcerated. My man and I are starting the Seperated by Prison united by conviction. Its a wonderful workbook with great questions, My man is my best friend so we already had a great communication but can always improve. Thanks for your comment,it reminds me that its the little things in a relationship that make it work.take care all and remember tommoroww is a new day and one day closer to being with our babys.

    • KatrinaKatrina04-22-2017

      ASHLEY I KNOW U MAY LOVE HIM BUT MAMA U HAVE TO LOVE YA SELF TOO. NOW IMA KEEP I RAW WITH YOU. IM ALL about KEEPING YOUR MIND IN A SANE HEALTHY MANNER. no one and nothing is worth YA SANITY. remember that. ok now if you are down for some one who truly cares for for YOU and had shown it in EVERYTHING SAID N DONE THEN ROLL WITH HIM but if AND IF he wasnt then cut ya losses .im for YOU.and if u are there for all the right reason stay BUT NOT FOR ONE SECOND SHOULD U BE GUILT tripED INTO ANYTHING. I’LL KEEP U LIFTED UP IN PRAYER. GO IN PEACE MY SISTER.
      .

      • KimKim07-08-2017

        U needed that..

  8. ashleyashley11-26-2012

    * in the two years we grew closer and closer together with getting married and having 2 miscarriages together. and he has 2 kids and i have 3 and they are all very close together all of us been living under the same roof too.

  9. ElizabethElizabeth02-24-2013

    I married my long time boyfriend and high school sweetheart within 2 months of him being in county. That was 7 years ago. If he gets all his good time, he will be home the end of next year (2014). This inspirational post above, has helped. Yes its hard at times, but its not my job to explain myself to anyone for the choices he and I have made. I would’ve been a complete failure to leave the man I love over something silly like prison. I know not everyone is cut out to be a prison wife. But LOVE CONQUERS ALL! If its real love, you will find a way to make it work…and we are. Its depressing, its exhausting, its expensive, but its worth it. ;) He is worth it all. I love you babe.

    • LockwoodLockwood11-15-2016

      love it …great words.

  10. ElenaElena11-14-2013

    I been with my love for 8 years now we have 2 baby,s this is he’s secound time upstate first time was 2& half years now he’s doin 6 . This has been the hardest ever in my life for me & my baby girl the first time fly by I was there in every way but this time I’m not there for him like I know I shud be I love him with all my heart j miss him every second of the day last year I only wrote 10 max of that I have only sent him money mundane 4 times since 2011. I don’t want too lose him he has gaves me so much love he hasnt given up on me yet he sends 2/3 letters a week I haven’t been able too visit due too I was on post prison just got off in september. I have been depressed i don’t talk too anyone I don’t to no were I stay home I feel like I leterly crowed under that Rock and died. I have been trying the last couple mouths too open up too him write more send pics and cards I also sent money too books but I know i need too do more I just wish he understand what a hard time I’m haven out here alone its not him its me personally I wound give my life for him but I need too bring our live back to were it shud be us a a couple as while we want too get merried I can not even think what I wound do if I did not him in my life I wish I cound to back too the real me happy outgoing excited about life I tell him in every letter thank you for holding on too our love keeping it close in he’s heart were it belongs and not giveing up on me on us I need too give him my live I cry for him everyday

    • ChetanChetan09-08-2014

      Short, sweet, to the point, FRtEcexa-Ely as information should be!

    • FernandaFernanda03-06-2015

      Yeah I get it already, She’s fatnsatic. and she certainly is but could you please post some of the races she’s won or her trophy (& medal) collection. Can you show her some respect for all the training she’s been doing instead of just ooogeling at her? thanks Man, DarrylHarrisburg, PA

    • VishalVishal04-14-2015

      When you are born into a poor neighborhood (regardless of the races of ppolee living there), there isn’t much of a tax base to support good schools. So schools end up hurting for basics like teachers (classrooms too crowded) and even text books are in short supply. The solution to that would be to average all taxes paid in the state to be doled out evenly to all the schools. That’s just one big factor. That is not equal opportunity for all. ##

    • KatrinaKatrina04-22-2017

      dont beat ya self up mama’s do what u can to be there for him and let him know patients n understanding is needed on his end as well n that not having him around isnt easy n NOW u have to deal with another child the stress from all that u have to be responsible for n then your life out here as well. if he can not be then u must do a hard thing and step back just for a minute. n NEVER DO ANYTHING OUT OF DESPERATION NO MATTER WHAT!!!!! U HEAR ME . NOTHING AND NO ONE IS WORTH YOUR LIFE OK. DO WHAT U HAVE TO TO KEEP YA SANITY MAMA’S REAL TALK THEN DEAL WITH HIM HE IS A GROWN MALE AND HE WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH WHAT GOT HIM THERE N THEY CAN AND WILL THROW TANTRUMS . REMEMBER U ARE NOT HIS MOTHER.BUT the mother to his kids n STRUCTURE. STRENGTH.WISDOM AND GUIDANCE YOU WILL HAVE TO BE. SHOW TO YA KIDS N MOST OF ALL FOR YA SELF. U MAY HIT ME UP ANYTIME N WE CAN TALK.I LOVE YOU ENOUGH TO KEEP IT REAL WITH YOU THEN TO ALLOW U TO WALK IN THE DARK I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD N IN DARKNESS I WILL LEAD U OUT.

  11. SalaytheaSalaythea03-02-2014

    I so needed this post right now writing all of these posts gives me the strength I need my fiancée just got 10years he is my best friend I miss him everyday and its so hard without him I miss talking to him and having him home. How can you keep the romance alive without saying something to get them hard? I’ve sent him pictures so glad I’m on the right track with that but what else can I do to keep our relationship thriving because our will not fail

    • KatrinaKatrina04-22-2017

      WRITE LETTERS TEXT AND KEEP IT CLEAN U WILL BE LIMITED BECAUSE OF THE SYSTEMS RULES N REGULATIONS BUT BE IMAGINATIVE N KEEP THE FIRE BURNING THROUGH A RESPECTABLE MANNER WITHIN THE GUIDE LINES GIRL N MAKE IT DO WHAT IT DO. HE WILL THANK U FOR THAT AS WELL GET PROFESSIONAL FLICKS TAKEN REMEMBER WITHIN THE GUIDELINES N ALWAYS GET SOME STEAMY HOT MAIL GOING OUT SAY THINGS N DO THINGS TO HIM WHERE HIS MIND IS BLOWN CHILE Hhhmmmm??? HE WILL WONDER WHERE U GET THAT FROM SAY A SWEET HONEY QUEEN B NAME KATRINA TURNED ME ON. I HAVE ALOT CHILE HIT ME UP MY IMAGINATION IS SOPHISTICATED N FREAKY

  12. lindseylindsey04-17-2014

    Eddie and i set a time to take showers together. It a time that we know exactly what the other is up to. We talk to each other and just hang out and do whatever feels good. We may not be together, together but it keeps us feel close.

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  14. Mrs. PageMrs. Page06-01-2014

    My significant other has a 20 year sentence it’s going on year number three next April 10 just shy of six days before his birthday. I’m so in love with him. We have a 2 year old daughter whom misses him dearly. I’m only 29 years old and I’m afraid that me putting my life on hold may be the ultimate mistake. 20 years is a long time . I have been praying that his appeal goes through because truth be told I really need him. I cry each and every night because my mind, body and soul still yearns for him. When I’m out in public I don’t see no other man besides him. Your article kind of help keep my spirit up. However, I’m still lonely. I hate what he’s going through because it’s time is way to long for a non violent crime. Smh but it’s not about my situation it’s about how wonderful your article is and your inspiration to others. Thanks and keep posting

    • JenniferJennifer04-29-2016

      Hi,
      I happen to read your comment and I’m going through the same thing. Just wanted to see how everything turned out for you and your husband. My husband is facing 20 years on a non violent crime as well. He’s been in custody for only a month in half and it’s killing us. Right now he is not eligible for visits or phone calls because of the intake process. I write him every single day and I have only received one letter from him in 2 weeks. I know it’s because he hasn’t been able to get commissary. I’ve just been so sad and so stressed without him. I hope everything turned out okay for you and your husband.

      • shelleyshelley07-24-2016

        Hi Jennifer, my husband won’t be able to get out for 20 years either. He went in July 2016 and I miss him too. I am so filled with so many different emotions I don’t know how to deal with it all. We just got married in july of 2013. 20 years is so long to be apart :(

        • MegMeg01-11-2017

          My partner is 9 years in to a 34 yr sentence and its been so up and down the whole way.we have 2 children together and been with him since we were teenagers..its so hard to try and maintain a good relationship but talking through problems and being honest really works.its never going to be easy and i love him with all my heart so i would never give up on what we have.he is going for his appeal this year and i really hope he gets it.

    • KatrinaKatrina04-22-2017

      MRS PAGE I KNOW WHAT U MEAN BUT MISS LADY KEEP YA HEAD UP N THATS TRUE ABOUT NON VIOLENT CRIMES IT’S LIKE THEY TRYING TO MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF OUR MEN BUT GOD HAS A WAY THAT ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR THE GOOD.i’ll keep u lifted up in prayer . keep ya head up u LADY AT ALL TIMES . STRONG VIBRANT N FULL OF LIFE. GREATER IS HE THAT IS IN YOU THEN HE THAT’S IN THIS WORLD 1st,john 4:4.

  15. JizJiz06-08-2014

    Thank u thank u thank u for this article. My Ex did 6yrs when we were in our 20′s, he’s been home 5 & just got booked again. He’s looking at a minimum of 10yrs and I know it may sound crazy but we had called it quits for the last 3 yrs & hes in a semi-relationship but i want to do this bid with him! He’s my soulmate & best friend. Were older now& both know what it takes. Pray for me

  16. Alisha LouiseAlisha Louise07-13-2014

    This article is incredible I some how stumble across it looking for ‘F*** it, I’m becoming a nun meme’s’. This is awesome though. Been doing it for 6 and a 1/2 months and it’s so reassuring knowing we are not alone! Not us, not our relationship. There is no way we are going to let this break us. I guess the biggest thing for me was always being honest, I’m proud of him and our relationship why should I be ashamed in him. He is an incredible man and if they can’t see that, then it’s there loss. Also learning to understand each other, this is a whole new level of commitment, trust and communication. Keep working on those 3 factors everyday and things will become easier. This has strengthened our bond more than we could imagine! Although there is one thing I remember, I was walking around the house looking for him, calling out to him but then crying because I kept feeling empty. Very similar to the feeling when some one passes away. I will say I think I ‘mourned’ for 5 days. I was physically incapable of doing a thing, I couldn’t even drive myself places. To everyone here I wish you all good luck, and forever who has a partner on the inside this is for you ‘Good night, you are beautiful’ xo.

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  19. ChittineniChittineni09-09-2014

    Dear Sirtake care about your health.Get well soon. I pray for you to Lord Murugan. I wish you and your failmy a happy, health and wealthy new year.with loveRavichandran

  20. Anthony KornAnthony Korn09-11-2014

    I write my girl everyday via the jpay system I send pics once a month and make sure she has everything she needs. I guess the easy part was we were both incarcerated when we got together as a couple and now im free so i can do things for her until her soon release too.

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  23. strong but weakstrong but weak10-03-2014

    Sighhhhh….I’m just not sure how to feel right now..just got back from my fiances court hearing and he was given a 7 1/2 yr sentence..we have a 5month old son and though I will be and have been waiting for his departure my heart aches..almost like I have no emotions right now..really sucks all the time that’s going to be wasted in jail..all we can do is remind each other how strong we are..feeling so alone!!

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  26. Michael ScottMichael Scott04-09-2015

    I intend on marrying a woman I met who has been in prison for 16 years. We have been together for 1 1/2 years. I love her so much. It is so nice to see that other people can relate to my experience. I have done so much to make her feel like a part of my actual life, and I agree with the tips that all of yo have posted over the last couple of years. Your stories are inspirational. Thank you all.

  27. ashante. michelsashante. michels04-10-2015

    my name ashante michels. I am a prison wife my husband. is in prison. all I. can say i s that if you love. your spouse. then it would be. right for. you to be loyal and faithful. to your spouse. because I am very faithful to. my husband. we. been. together. 15 years he’s the love. of my life and he’s the father of my 2 beautiful kids i would never ever replace my husband for someone. else I love him to much to do that to him

  28. ashante. michelsashante. michels04-12-2015

    I love my husband so much he’s been in prison for someone10 years and we been through our ups and downs but through it all we are still together. he’s everything to me so for those of y’all that are in the same situation that I’m in remember this never let .fo go always be loyal faithful and most of all honest with your spouse and another thing. never listen to. your so call friends especially when they are nothing like you so everyone read this and know what I’m saying is true if I know in my heart that I can do it then so can everyone else can do the same but the chooses that you make is up to you people

  29. jaimie fitzsimmonsjaimie fitzsimmons04-28-2015

    Love the encouragement. Me n my husband Andrew have 196 days left til we see each other again. Pray pray pray

  30. AndreaAndrea05-11-2015

    Thank you for all the wonderful comments! My husband has been in prison 7 months now. He is looking at several years sentence and then facing being deported to England. We have been married five years the end of May. We struggled the past two years of our marriage and when he was arrested I thought it would be the end. But this has brought us closer together than we have been in a long time. It will be s struggle as I’m raising my two teenage boys, trying to support them and my husband, but what other choice do I have. My friends and family thought I should walk away, but then what? He had no one here in the states, I am the only connection his family has to him. I look at the positives. I’ve been able to get to know his family better through this and the communication between him and myself has been like when we first met. We are falling in love all over again. It scares me to think we could be looking at 5-10 years over something so stupid, but I can’t imagine my life without him. Thank you for all the ideas and suggestions to keep our relationship strong. I want to be that small percentage that comes out stronger than before! This site has been so good for my heart to see it can be done!

    • StephanieStephanie06-28-2015

      I am in a similar situation….my boyfriend has 10 to 15 years and upon release is facing deportation back to England. It is amazing how close we have come during this time …..we stay completely open and honest with each other when it comes to our thoughts, feelings, and concerns. We include each other in decisions because they generally will effect us both. Not saying there aren’t moments of loneliness and sadness but we talk through those difficult times whenever we can. I love the fact he always makes sure I am okay…he makes me feel so loved and feel like we will be ok and get through this. And I love talking about the future, as it gives us both something to look forward too. I will never leave his side no matter how hard things get at times. I love him so….and I try to ignore others when they question my choices. Its my life and aside from the sentence, I am happy with him.

  31. rosalindrosalind06-02-2015

    I’m a new prison partner he’s just starting a 4-10 . Help…I’ve read the post . I’m on probation how will I be able to see him. There is so much to say where do I start

    • CheraeCherae06-25-2015

      You might have to wait till your off paper. The best thing to do is call the prison of have your partner check with the prison. I feel ya though I can’t visit my guy for 3 years. It’s a horrific feeling..I wish you the best with your situation and know that you’re not alone. <3

      • CheraeCherae06-25-2015

        You’re off paper*
        Or have your partner*

  32. CheraeCherae06-25-2015

    Hi. Ahh where to I begin. The pain in my heart after hearing my fiancés sentence felt like two tons. 9.6-20 years. I’m 30 this year..him and I have been together for 2 years. We are soulmates and cut from the se cloth. Most of the people I know can’t understand why I even both. I’m young, smart, an beautiful..I can get whoever I want. It’s not about that though..ride or die threw thick or thin I want to be with the man I truly love. No matter the time or distance between us. True love; it never really ends. It changes, it grows deeper more profound, it morphs into different manifestations but it’s always there. True love lasts threw time, space and distance. I belive him and I have that love…we won’t give up on each other..because people haven’t been there or have been hurt it’s hard for them to wrap their head around my decisions…well that’s just too damn bad really. I am in more pain then I’ve ever been in. I long for his touch, his warm embrace..the day we can cuddle and watch a movie. It will come our live will conquer all.

  33. CheraeCherae06-25-2015

    Hi. Ahh where to I begin. The pain in my heart after hearing my fiancés sentence felt like two tons. Like the earth cracked and time stood still… 9.6-20 years. I’m 30 this year..him and I have been together for 2 years. We are soulmates and cut from the same cloth. Most of the people I know can’t understand why I even bother. I’m young, smart, and beautiful..I can get whoever I want. It’s not about that though..ride or die threw thick or thin I want to be with the man I truly love. No matter the time or distance between us. True love; it never really ends. It changes, it grows deeper more profound, it morphs into different manifestations but it’s always there. True love lasts threw time, space and distance. I belive him and I have that love…we won’t give up on each other..because people haven’t been there or have been hurt it’s hard for them to wrap their head around my decisions…well that’s just too damn bad really. I am in more pain then I’ve ever been in. I long for his touch, his warm embrace..the day we can cuddle and watch a movie. It will come our love will conquer all.

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  35. ChresaChresa08-19-2015

    So how do you keep it up not falling out of love? And how do you just go on with your life with out them beside you? Cause my man is not expressive i dont feel the words it is really hard

  36. TinaTina10-24-2015

    I’ve found your post to be helpful my daughters father/my best friend is incarcerated now for 9 hes serving a 12 yr sentence I’ve been off and on throughout his time I decided to involve h more I’m his daughter a life with visits and frequent phone calls I loved this man before he went in to do his time and I love home even more now we’ve both matured since then and are gonna try and work it out wish us luck!!

  37. LaniLani02-05-2016

    My soulmate was sentenced in November 2014. On the day of his sentence I was almost 12 weeks pregnant with our first and only child. I did not have the heart to tell him. He was sentenced for 20 years, because of fraud. Only in Feb 2015, did I manage to tell him about the pregnancy. By then I haven’t seen him at all since his sentencing. Only a once off call from his side on a monthly basis. I went insane…. Specially the first 6 weeks. I heard nothing from him. He first made contact on christmas day 2014. I cried through that whole 4 minutes of conversation, but didn’t tell him about our child. We were both married before and left our partners to be together. Both divorced. He had 3 boys from his previous marriage and I had 2 boys from my marriage. We were together for 5 years prior to his sentence. He commited fraud in 2008, before I met him. His family never excepted me, specially his boys. We lived together for the last two years prior to his sentence. My boys adored him.
    When I finally told him about the pregnancy, he was angry and upset. I went through the pregnancy all alone. I went to visit him 3 times before i gave birth. He is incarcerated 200 km away from where i stay. When our little girl was born, exactly 6 months into his sentence, I was all alone. When she was just over a month, i took her to him to see. He is still behind glass on visits. She will be exactly a year and a day when he is allowed contact visits in May 2016. We are counting off the hours…
    In September 2015, on a monthly visit, they allowed him to put his arms around me and our girl, I broke down in tears. He has never touched her, smelled her or kissed her. But they allowed him to put his arms around us for 5 seconds.
    I travel the 200km to see him on a monthly basis. I take all his toiletries, magazines and books, when i go. We sometimes have 10 minutes chat, and sometimes its a 40 minute chat. I try to take our little girl with me every time i go. He adores her. And cannot wait to have her on his lap.
    Not a day goes by that i dont pray for him, miss him and think of him. She will grow up without a dad, because i will not have another relationship again. He is my soulmate, my best friend, my everything.
    I miss him so much every day.
    At the moment he wants me to move on, and tells me often. He doesnt want a relationship because of the stigma. I try to tell him everyday that i love him and adore him. Time will tell….
    His family and boys have started to turn their backs on him…. I am the only one who supports him with everything, everyday.
    I have hired the best legal team money can buy in the last 3 months to do his appeal. And they decided to redo his whole case as they thought he was sentenced wrongfully. I have Barry Roux from the Oscar Pistorius case working with his case.
    I hope that when he is released, he will come and live with us. I love him more than words can ever say. He is my beginning and my end.. I know he loves me too, but he doesnt want us to suffer because of the sitgma.
    I will move to the ends of the earth for this man… If only he knew.

  38. JoyJoy04-10-2016

    My husband told me that 90% of the men serving time with him had their partners leave them within the first year. It’s so heartbreaking how easy it is for someone to break their commitments to the person they are supposed to love. First sign of trouble and partners disappear. I say better for them to know now before wasting any more time on someone who is willing to give up so easily. Kudos to all of you wives and partners who are struggling and still seeing it through to the end. Your husband’s are lucky men.

  39. MindyMindy05-18-2016

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  40. Marla TruellMarla Truell06-12-2016

    THIS IS SO HARD MY FRIEND JUST TOLD ME THAT HE HAS GO HOME TO HIS MOTHER INSTEAD OF COMING HOME TO ME IN ANOTHER STATE. I AM NOT MAD AT HIS DECESION BUT THE FACT THAT HE DIDNT INCLUDEME IN THE DECESION MAKING AM I WRONG FOR FEELING THIS way? He thinks so. Help me please.

  41. AshielaAshiela06-20-2016

    I’ve recently gotten back in touch with a childhood friend that I’ve known since I was 5, I’m 20 now, he’s 21. He’s at the end of his 5 year bid with 177 days left. We decided to finally become a couple about 2 1/2 months ago and we’ve been making plans about his release. It’s so many outside influences that’s trying to make me feel stupid for starting a relationship with him. But we were friends before anything so I have faith in him and us. These comments have really given me hope!

  42. KayKay08-27-2016

    Hey guys – first week down on my partner being inside and all so mixed emotions. He’s holding up ok. Already exchanged Afew letters. We are a gay couple ( just to be clear lol) he’s away inside and the thought of him doing stuff with others plays on my mind. Has anyone else faced these fears? How have you dealt with them? And generally any other advice. Luckily tho he’s only looking at 1yr 11mths. I Mean is sex really that easy to get inside.

  43. Maggie WilliamsMaggie Williams09-18-2016

    Love this site….love reading about others going thru the same situation as me because unless you’re living it you don’t know what it feels like.

  44. MelindaMelinda10-18-2016

    Hi. This is the first time i have opened and told my life long friend that is locked up that i love him more then a friend. He was telling me the best to get to a higher level is to be emotionally open to him. I am having a hard time with this because i get way loney out here and find myself falling off. How can i stay strong for me and him?

  45. It's not WorthitIt's not Worthit10-21-2016

    I came across this site after googling “lonely prison wife”. I was searching for some encouragemen. The stories I have read are sweet, but they are not mine. I am going on 6years of this gig. At first we had a great relationship, we read the same books, took lots of pictures, watched the same TV shows to try to similate a real connection. Now though I am just done. It’s NOT the same. After almost six years I am broke, lonely, and stuck in a marriage that only exists 20 minutes a few times a week and 5 hours once a month. I realize now that HE should be waiting for ME! Not the other way around. It’s just not worth it.

  46. It's not WorthitIt's not Worthit10-21-2016

    I came across this site after googling “lonely prison wife”. I was searching for some encouragement. The stories I have read are sweet, but they are not mine. I am going on 6years of this gig. At first we had a great relationship, we read the same books, took lots of pictures, watched the same TV shows to try to similate a real connection. Now though I am just done. It’s NOT the same. After almost six years I am broke, lonely, and stuck in a marriage that only exists 20 minutes a few times a week and 5 hours once a month. I realize now that HE should be waiting for ME! Not the other way around. It’s just not worth it.

  47. ImsodoneImsodone11-01-2016

    I have been doing this for almost 6 years and we were close at first but now I’m just so done with the whole thing. I cannot wait another 11 years. Good luck to the rest of y’all

  48. Lewis, 35, seems to have won often the Stanley Mug twice while in his effort with the Noblemen: “It’s a thing you dream of your whole daily life all this is actually my subsequent time and hopefully we could try it again, lunch break he stated.

  49. ErikaErika12-12-2016

    My husband is doing three years in prison, I was wondering if there are any good books that we both can read about making our relationship stronger while he is away. We been together for five years already, I love him with all my heart. I just want our relationship to be stronger while he is doing his time. Thank you for any ideas. Stay strong ladies they will come back to us soon.

  50. ElenaElena12-16-2016

    Hi. I’ve been with my husband since he got sentence to do a year in prison and it hasn’t been good becuz he keeps thinking I am cheating on him. I am always supporting him and showing him that I am committed to him for the rest of my life. Sometimes he question me about my love and loyalty to him, I know it’s hard on him being so far from me and the only communication we have is just calling. I am always looking forward to seeing him soon the I came across this post and it gave me courage to hang in there with him. I do love him with all my heart and he is the love of my life.

    • NotastatisticNotastatistic01-02-2017

      Elena, I can’t say it will get easier and I can’t even say thay he won’t keep questioning you. Unfortunately, the percentage of inmates that have someone at home cheating on them is high. These guys have hour after hour to think and many times, nothing good comes out of it. All you can continue to do is encourage him and assure him that you’re being faithful. Stay strong, a year is nothing in the grand scheme of things. He’ll be home before you know it.

  51. TamikaTamika12-28-2016

    I have been with my husband for 22 years and he has three life sentences for crimes he didn’t commit we have two children together and grandkids yes it gets very hard at times.
    My husband is my world he has taught somethings about life and being a strong beautiful wife and mother. If trulyou love your man then hang In there don’t thow the towel in true love comes once in a lifetime.

  52. NotastatisticNotastatistic01-02-2017

    I fell in love with my now fiancee 10 years ago when he was doing 5-10. I couldn’t handle the hatred and negativity that my family was throwing at me, so we split. He got out, and went back on a parole Violation. Hateful words were exchanged, and until 8 months ago, I hadn’t heard from him. He caught a new case and is now sitting for 1.5 to 3. While that doesnt sound all that long, in the grand scheme of things, let me add that at the same time he caught the new case, I also became employed with the DOC. That adds a whole new list of problems, with even contacting each other. We have 36 weeks left until minimum and although this has been far worse to handle then the last sentence, I wouldn’t change having him in my life for anyone. So if you truly love your inmate, stick it out. If we can handle it, so can you! Stay strong ladies.

  53. ScaredAndDepressedScaredAndDepressed01-13-2017

    I am terrified ladies! My husband is facing 1st degree robbery. He has never been in trouble before. Do any of you think he would catch a decent deal? They are saying 20 years in a common wealth state. I’m praying that he may get some sort of leniency because of no priors. To add, he never admitted to the crime only that he facilitated by proving the people involved with the means to commit it, but he was not aware that that is what the other people who commuted the crime were doing. He was bad off on drugs and not coherent to realize what his actions could lead to. Please help me ladies and give me some sort of idea as to what can happen. We have small children and I have lost everything because of this situation. I am a wreck!

  54. Donna RoushDonna Roush02-25-2017

    After 30yrs of marriage, and only separated the longest 6 months when he was in military, are now facing 5yrs apart, I don’t know how ill make it, he’s 51 and seems so unfair to have him ripped from me when I need him the most. Are kids are married and its just going to be me at home, the loneliness is what I’m afraid of, pray for us.

  55. Natalie BusseyNatalie Bussey03-30-2017

    im going through this right now my fiance turned himself in monday 3/27/17 and im trying my hardest to stay strong for him i havent cried since monday and im trying not to because that will crush him but…i need to find hobbies to keep myself occupied he got sentenced to 3 for a non violent but is only doing 24 months…i also have a question is 8 months a year in prison?? he keeps telling me it is because the did 3 years 7 years ago before i even met him and i just wanna make sure that its true.

  56. LauraLaura04-06-2017

    My boyfriend just got sentenced to 2 years in prison. His lawyer told us he would be out in a year with good behavior, but once he was taken, on Monday, they told him the 2 years is mandatory. We’re both upset and disappointed. He is my light, and it’s so hard for me to even function without him. I’ve never had a love like this before, and it’s so unfair that we have to be apart for so long. All I can do is obsess over ways to get him out sooner. I live for our 15 minute phone calls, but I feel so hopeless for the rest of the day. People keep telling us it’ll go by quickly, but the first three days has seemed like eternity so far.

    • ConfusedConfused04-30-2017

      I’m sick of people telling me how much time flys! It’s been 2 and a half weeks for us but they’ve been the longest couple of weeks ever! I’ve seen him once in that time and he rings me most days but the phone cuts out way too quickly and then I’m left with a million things running round my head that I didn’t get to say

  57. jenniejennie04-08-2017

    Hi my name is jennie I’ve been with love of my life for almost 4 yrs The last 2 he’s been Incarcerated and I can say it’s not always easy but I love him and I know we will overcome this obstacle. Our love has actually grown stronger since this all began our communication is awesome and he says the most amazing things to me expressing hislove for me his application his admiration. I dove into my addiction after he left which was already an issue it’s why he got incarcerated but I have since got clean and sober as well as he did. We work thru the difficulties of recovery together this has also brought our bond so much closer. We both got tattoos expressing our forever love everything is just amazing between us but we’re getting in a slump like bored with same things over n over. Advice: What can we do to spice it up to add some spark again.
    Please any ideas are welcomed…..

  58. Teri PughTeri Pugh04-22-2017

    Hi my name is Teri I’m working three jobs trying to keep my head up but it’s so hard

    • ConfusedConfused04-30-2017

      I’m working 6 days a week at the moment but it’s still lonely going home to an empty house. How long you got left?

  59. ConfusedConfused04-30-2017

    Hi ladies. I’m so glad I came across this site! I’m in the uk and my partner has just started a 7 year sentence (hopefully be out in 3 and half) I love him so much but he was already paranoid before he went in so I can only imagine it to get a lot worse! He gets 3 visits a month and luckily he’s not too far away at the moment but I still miss him every single day. I’m working as much overtime as I can and seeing more of my family and friends but I still feel as though I’m wishing my life away because all I’ve got to look forward to is him coming home. Any advice on how to keep my mind busy in between visits??
    Also – I think you ladies all sound amazing for dealing with this.. I’m way out of my depth
    X

  60. Julie SheehanJulie Sheehan05-09-2017

    Informative piece , I was fascinated by the points , Does anyone know if my business could possibly get a template ND SFN 1763 copy to fill out ?

  61. Unique WalkerUnique Walker05-22-2017

    Hello My Name is Nicky My Husband is Serving 5 years 9 hours Away from home I drove up there theee times he left when my son was 3 months and we were married theee months it’s tough sometimes for me he in Review as of now I’m praying they approve his parole in September

  62. KimikaKimika05-29-2017

    I hope we dont become a statistic……..if it fails its pretty much my fault because Ive never been in a real relationship before.

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  64. Hi,I read your new stuff named “How to Be a Prisoner’s Wife/Partner | Prisoners’ Wives Girlfriends and Partners” on a regular basis.Your story-telling style is awesome, keep up the good work! And you can look our website about proxy server list.

  65. ChazChaz07-09-2017

    Hi everyone my husband has gone two prison in turkey as he had a stupid accident whilst away with freinds on a stag do I’m from the uk we have three beautiful children together but I’m struggling to come to terms with what’s happened and it’s costing me a fortune to go visit him once a month with our children I feel like I’m losing contact with him as he’s only aloud to call once every two weeks for seven mins at a time . Does anyone have any ideas what I can do as I have the next seven years to do this and letters don’t reach him for a week at a time then they have to translate them which sometimes takes them two weeks so usually up to a month before I get a letter I’m so down I mis him so much and so worried for him as the jails out the are alful. Anyone have any ideas how I can get threw this thanks

    • AshleyAshley07-13-2017

      I know how hard being separated by state/country lines. My husband did time in another state, we couldn’t have contact visits because I couldn’t travel that distance while pregnant, letters were gotten a week sometimes two later. He only did 8 months, but we talked about it before his sentence, we decided that if he was going to be there for a year or more, I would move to be close to him. If the travel is too costly and the communication is delayed, I would say to look into relocating to be close to him.

  66. AshleyAshley07-13-2017

    I SO needed to read this today!!! I married my man a month after we met, but his past relationships with women made him bitter. He did his best, but his addiction got the best of him. A year after we were married, he was arrested on a parole violation. We didn’t spend his birthday or our 1 year anniversary together. To top it all off, I was 6 weeks pregnant. He did 8.5 months. Missed my whole pregnancy, but I gave birth 2 days after he was released. Now, 8 months later we are facing new charges, looking at 4+ years prison time. We have been through his drug addiction, his cheating, both of us feeling guilty, we drifted apart during these 8 months (we knew the sentence was coming). We have both said things we didn’t mean, fought all the time, the stress about the new prison sentence was getting to us. But we are both determined to stay together. When things are going good, we complement each other and balance each other out. Deep down he is an amazing person, compassionate, caring, he and I together are working toward bringing out the man we know he can be. He writes every day, we talk every day and video visit once a week. He reads books on how to work through his past and take responsibility for his transgressions. So any recommendations for books we can read together or workbooks we can do videos we can watch are much appreciated! Anything to help us rebuild our relationship.

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Living your life when your partner is locked up means knowing what you can and can not control and making the most of it.

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